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Finding Namaste Amidst Chaos, Loss, Pandemics, and Lockdowns

2021 has been quite roller coaster ride. As a society, we have all been touched by the chaos, uncertainty, loss, and grief. We have seen our fellow humans across the globe have their sense of love, safety, and belonging impacted by politics, greed, the pandemic, and the fallout of the lockdowns, control and separation of it all. Utter loss of freedoms.

Careers, schooling, relationships, recreational activities, all of the day to day interactions impacted and for many halted. Lives changed forever overnight, freedom replaced with fear.


It would seem that until 2020, much of humanity was on auto pilot, in the bliss of ignorance of the reality of how fragile our freedom is and how powerful fear is.


It is easy to see how dark our human history has been. For me, over the last part of 2021, the collective fear vibration, and uncertainty, added to my own, and it became overwhelming. I didn’t feel freedom. I felt frozen!

Freedom, it seems, is not free after all.

Or was it just fear clouding the lens cap?

How do you wipe away the fog of fear and uncertainty and reclaim your freedom?

It’s easier than you think. We will get to that juicy goodness shortly.


Grab a cup of your favorite tea and get cozy. I am about to open up and share for the first time with my tribe my a few tidbits of the raw truth of how the combined chaos of illness, loss, fear, and lockdowns stole my Namaste of calm, joy, and smile and how I found namaste amidst it all.

Lockdowns are hard. Tragedy and loss can be even more devastating and leave you feeling even less free and confident. Instead, you’re left swimming in a heavy sea of emotions of lost, angry, fearful, uncertain and exhausted.


This was my truth over the summer.

I knew I needed to step back but was fearful of letting others down. I had worked so hard and had come so so far.

But I was in middle of a mental and physical health crisis.


“I’m done.

I have no energy left.

I’ve hit nothing but walls ...

I get my hopes up and excited .. only to be denied .. over an over again.

I see my greatness .. but all I feel

is inadequate and in the wrong world at the wrong time.

I can no longer pretend I’m Ok ... because I’m not.”


I was angry, hurt and frustrated. Feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed, I shut down & isolated myself further in an attempt to make sense of the world and it’s chaos. And then I would get upset for being upset and going into what I write about in Namaste Away as the ego feels of compare/despair, fear and worry, but the worst was suffering in silence.


I was carrying the burdens of serious health issues as my body began to show signs of distress. The disease in my mind and body caused by stress, loss of my business, family support system was intense.

At the beginning of 2021 and well into the spring months, I was struggling with suicidal ideations and had created a plan to overcome that, and with my new 7 Levers to Heaven I found my Namaste again and I was doing better.

I was still having episodes of depressed, anxiety ridden and having severe autoimmune flares, and from that chronic pain, appetite and sleep disturbances, but at least I was no longer struggling with the decision to keep trying. I had discovered the root causes and navigated a new course.

Just when I had a new course planned to shift it, the chaos of California fires and damage from toxic levels of smoke made it impossible to complete that goal. I was now facing the daily shut in because it was unhealthy to be outside in nature to maintain my balance and ease. And while my children and grandchildren were still absent from my life, I had gained a sense of clarity on the entire situation and let it go with forgiveness and gratitude. Without getting into details about family losses, my relationships with my adult children has been long strained from divorce and that fallout, but after I started healing, I had more layers to heal and so did they.

Time apart felt like a punishment at first. Until I discovered ...

It wasn’t personal, it was vibrational!

Sometimes in life, when we are on different pages and stages of our journey, (aka: energy, frequency, vibration), the frequencies will not resonate properly and will in a sense ‘be repelled’. While at first this can be interpreted or felt as rejection and perceived in a negative way. It’s actually a beautiful illumination and

invitation to put those curiosity goggles on and go inward and meet that feeling with wonder and surrender to the now moment.

I digress, there’s so much to share, and is why there is an entire chapter on this in the upcoming book I am writing.

So as I was looking through my curiosity goggles is when the clarity that my reality was out of balance with my visions and efforts. I am a complex woman and part of my trauma wounds are still present in that it’s hard for me to ask for help. It’s not that I don’t feel deserving, I simply didn’t want to burden anyone else with my struggles. I knew others were going through their own awakening and struggle bus.

I wanted to figure it out myself. I was tired of being in victim role! And asking meant admitting I was vulnerable...like a victim! Does this statement sound familiar?


Further complication is that as a coach, I was trying to show how strong I was, and I thought everyone would expect me to have the healing done and be 100%.

Hell, I myself, was expecting that I’d be healed too and be having some success!!

Expectations are the root of human suffering.

Just when I thought I had expectations under control, BOOM! A bubble bursting, reality check!


Not only was there global chaos and uncertainty to contend with, but I was hurting.

I was in state of absolute uncertainty and disappointment. Even more unhealthy, I was unknowingly putting myself in victim role by not asking for help.


It was like, no matter what I did, it was like I kept studying for the exam and it kept getting changed in test day!! I would master my emotions one day, only to feel knocked back down the next.

I would get my thoughts aligned and intentions clear, and see the vision of my souls purpose come to life.

People would show up, speak a good game, get my hopes up and all kinds of excited that finally my empire was going to come together and the community I planned would be launched and successfully help others.


I let my guard down thinking that my experience of having people flake on me was over, and BOOM!

No surprise, they would not get a sale from me and disappear. Each time my hopes got up that I would have a chance at fulfilling my souls mission and accomplish my dreams.


This entire experience, however, while very illuminating and transformative, was also absolute insanity. No matter what I did, nothing worked to move me or my business forward.

I was exhausted.

I was done.

I was tired of trying and getting back to square one.

I had frozen.

I was burnt out.

My body was inflamed again and it was getting worse. I was going in the opposite direction of happy, healthy, and abundance of freedom.


But there was hope as I had finally began to recognize that freeze/fight/flight, self protection sabotage patterns. While it certainly was an exhaustive pattern, and one of lifetimes, I was at that point where I had finally had it and I was f***ing over it.

I held, in that moment, the belief that “Clearly I can’t get it right .. or I would have by now.” I was so hard on myself.

Looking back at my journals, I can now see the glaring truth. It wasn‘t just from not asking for help causing the chaos, it so much more than that.

TRUTH TIME

My truth was I needed a break. I needed to heal and process all the trauma and grieve the loss of family and my old identity of wife and mother. I had discover me again. I needed to do a mindset adjustment. I needed to find and love the inner me that had been left shattered from a severe auto accident. I was the Humpty Dumpty who needed to be put back together. Interesting fact, is that even my accident settlement would be classified as an “egg shell plaintiff“.

In hindsight, I think it was the universe sending me a message that I was I really a victim of my own making. And that was also the thread that unravelled it all.

I had to find peace in the chaos of the world falling to pieces outside and inside me. I had become so lost without structure and routine, it’s as if my mind and spine were both facing the structural instability, yet I was oblivious to the truth and path out of that mindset still.


I needed to be ok with everything else falling away and being independent and sovereign.

Heart centered and choosing joy. But this was yet the tip of the iceberg my ship had crashed into. My whole identity was shifted and I had lost my anchors.


I was drifting aimlessly, and without a compass to balanced BHADASS BLISS and Freedom to Be Me Island, I instead, kept landing on the deserted islands of the lost matrix.


I knew from experience that being plugged into the “matrix of the world stage” would not be healthy for me, as it had been painfully obvious on days I would be locked in the throes of scrolls on social media, and having emotional reactions and feeling drained & discouraged after.

Can you relate to the seductive power of the scroll? Or the countless times of saying, “ok, just 5 minutes more and I’m done.”, only to have hours go by before you realize the time? HOW TO THRIVE

I intuitively knew, the scrolling and avoiding was a bad habit that would need to be reset if I was ever going to master my energy, time and attention to achieve my goals.

We are what we tune into. And let’s face it, the once positive experience of connecting online has become the social experiment of the century. I was filling my mind with toxic and negative influences and not taking my self care, mind care and soul care with the approach required for success. Bliss is not from things, it’s from the gift of NOW.

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I’ve learned in my personal development and self education journey that if we don’t manage our energy, time, and attention, we will have no one to blame for the way we feel but ourselves.

ETA=EFV= Experience

Where you place your:


ENERGY• TIME •ATTENTION creates your:


ENERGY=FREQUENCY=VIBRATION

(vibes of happy, joy, hope, excited; vs sad, anger, guilt/shame/ criticism/resentment, grief, envy/dread)

As you see by this illustration, our inner vibration attracts the outside experiences and emotions to show us outside where we are focused inside our mind & body.

We are responsible for being an unbalanced, stressed, unhappy, people pleaser, tapped into the negativity of words, others actions and collective pulse of fear in the world.

Only we can turn the station to a better frequency.

We can choose to tune into love, laughter rainbows, and fluffy baby animals or we can go down the tunnel of darkness into the negative vibes of ego and fear.

No one forces us to watch it, but many of us are addicted to the dopamine response and have no awareness of it or how to reset it.

That‘s a topic for another article though. I do talk about this dynamic in my Namaste Away and Thrive: Release Negative Influences and Love Yourself Book.



NAMASTE AWAY AND THRIVE: Release Negative Influences and Love Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08

THE SHIFT As I surrendered to the expectations that I had been suffering under, ease came in.


I found some rainbows, butterflies, the peace and slowly bit by bit, my blissful balance, my namaste...calm...healing.

As I did the shadow work, let go and adapted, I dug in more and more to get aligned.


In alignment, I opened up exponential growth and harmony within to ascend my own darkness and achieve the impossible.


Ascending obstacles, and using limits as levers to reclaim my personal power, empower my truth, dream bigger, and build my balanced bliss of epic love, safety, and belonging.


The roller coaster ride wasn’t over quite yet,and while saying goodbye was hard, the rainbow that awaited in the other side. There was a surprise I had not even dreamed possible.


I am one who gets very attached to animals and I take their passing very hard. So the blow to my well-being was yet another toxic experience I was going to grow through, I just didn’t know it yet.

I had been caring for my daughters cat Ella, who in September, had fallen ill and it was apparent that she was not going to live much longer. I had been giving my daughter space, but knew she would want to know, in case she wanted to say goodbye.

I had no expectations to the outcome, but I knew she would be more upset with me for not letting her know. I took a leap of faith and reached out. In the wake of that tragedy, hope was born. The door of loss, and goodbye opened the window to new opportunities for healing old wounds within myself and my family.

I am happy to say, that while there is still healing, (and reuniting with my sons to happen), my daughter and granddaughter are back in my life again.


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My mind is strong and my body is healing too. The losses, made me stronger and wiser but it also brought my peace back.

How is that possible? Well, it was possible by strengthening my personal relationship with divine wisdom of That Which Is Greater and trusting the intuition of my own inner being.


I had found a way to turn my pain into my purpose.

I forgave, encouraged, and gave my myself permission to just be and dream bigger.


I knew that if I stopped focusing on the failures that my ego was so determined to keep my focus on, seeing it as an act of love and cry for love to keep me safe from change and the possible pitfalls of the unknown success.


I think it’s time that we realize all of humanity is in the throes of different stages of awakening.

As we all become aware, finding our way out from behind the ego’s shadows, and as we wipe our eyes, open them to the truths that have been locked away, that is when we all will ascend the darkness and be renewed by the light of love.


I know it’s possible for you too. I believe that anyone can do what they dream with intention, determination and tenacity and accountability.

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TEACHING THE TOOLS

As a transformational coach, I want to help people feel more love, safety, belonging and worthiness.

While these skills aren’t rocket science, to gain mastery of human body, also requires the right tools and the right support to build that vision. But the true success comes from having added accountability when it gets uncertain or overwhelming.


I took the long road and hit all the potholes and bumps along the way, so you don’t have to. You don’t need to do it alone like I did.

I am here to guide you and cheer you on.


I Metamorphed from my dark ego cocoon and transcended the pain.

I was transformed by the healing power of BE LOVE, BE NOW to build a better, balanced, blissful now!


I am a fiercely relentless and tenacious woman on a mission.

The mission is to share the wealth of wellness and soul alignment and empowering knowledge that I discovered along the way with you.

I am here to share those spiritual awakening wisdoms and empower humanity to break through barriers of ego, negative beliefs, so they can adapt and align with their bliss after grief from loss, and trauma.

I am here to guide others to transcend the pain and be transformed by the power of Be Love Now to ascend and thrive.


I support and connect humanity and with my approach, shine the light on the darkness and make the path visible so goals can be reached.

Then the goals to live a blissful, balanced life with ease, joy and grace can be experienced.

MY VISION:

My vision is humanity in harmony.

I am here to help individuals fine tune their unique and divine human being energy into harmony to end the chaos and calamity of ego.


While as much as I’d love to wave a fairy godmother magic wand and make your transformation happen for you, that work is yours to do; but I can connect and support you as you do the work and get morphed from the pain of your experiences.

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Whether it’s the pain of being broken, abandoned, addicted, diseased; or happiness stolen by failure, loss and grief; or all the above, METAMORPHED will help.

The tools and insights I have gathered to gain mastery to transcend the pain and be transformed by the power of Be Love Now and Be WOWSA, will move the Levers for you too!

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Next steps:

If you are ready to heal and embody your best balanced self.

Get balanced and METAMORPHED to UNLEASH YOUR BHADASS BLISS where together we lay the pathway for your success.

Let’s chat!


Are you ready to be...

METAMORPHED:

Transcend the pain and be transformed by the power of BE LOVE NOW.

HEAL ADAPT ALIGN ASCEND


I am here when you are ready to help you to begin breaking through the barriers to

BUILD YOUR BHADASS BALANCED BLISS LIFE.

As the Divine Alignment Sage, I can see where people are stuck and help them write a new belief and move into their greatness that awaits them.

If you know of anyone who is seeking assistance or would benefit from my services, please share this with them.

Have them them reach out to me!

I can guide them to get MetaMorphed to reset their groove, write a new story, step out of the pain, let go, forgive, be transformed by healing power of love through self care and build balanced bliss and full mind-body-soul wellness!


I greatly appreciate the exchange of possibilities.


I humbly thank you for your time and energy spent reading this. I know it was a lot to take in.