Updated: Dec 1, 2021
This photo of me here looking down at the valley of El Dorado National Forest is one from a hike I did in July of 2019. It was quite an experience to be standing on top of such a high peak, even more ironically named called Lover’s Leap, and fitting for what I was going through.
It may look amazing, but I see a woman who was contemplating jumping from that cliff over a lost love.
That photo captured a moment in time where I was still struggling to be ok and love myself in face of massive changes that followed in the months after my separation and pending divorce in 2018.
I had yet to discover my truths and be on the other side of that transformation and healing. While I was still showing up to stand tall, I remainEd terrified to let go of what was and all it’s expectations and was still unsettled with being alone, not feeling good enough, and like an absolute failure. and no sense of my identity in that empty nest.
I just wanted the pain to heal and my family reunited. The lie I told myself, “if they’d just come back I’d be happy”, but truth was nothing was going to me happy. I was too far gone in my lies to see the gravity of the disempowered statement of giving away my power to others to provide my happiness.
I knew I was depressed, and I wanted relief of this hellish cycle pronto! I thought I was being punished. Why couldn’t I be happy? When was the pain going to end?
I didn’t understand the power of beliefs and emotions and how they were my superpower.
At the height of my pain, I was unable to connect to myself, let alone my truth and empowering actions. I had to learn and practice to gain traction on my transformation.
Everything I’d tried so far hadn’t worked. I had forced changes in past and while it usually would start out with good intentions, it always quickly became that road paved to hell they speak of.
And I found myself more often than not lost in the enemy prison of ego, which is a dark, cold, and lonely place. Truly a hell of my own making. The more I dulled and blunted, the more pain of that hell is what I experienced.
We live a fast fix society. A society that has stigmatized feelings and provides substances to dull the pain and blunt our responses from anything we do not want to face or feel.
While I was at crisis place, not only was avoiding the pain by trying to bargain with it, I was completely missing the choice over change bus!!
It’s easier to go to corner mart and avoid the pain than it is to find the path to transcend it with grace and ease.
I’ve lost sleep at night asking myself why this is so. One night, laying there running scenarios and all the what if’s in my head with the data I had collected so far from my experiences, I had an epiphany.
What if, instead of numbing out, disconnecting, and displacing our emotional/
physical pain, and instead grabbed a pair of curiosity goggles, a notebook and tissues and had the conversation of all conversations?
What is pain was our friend? Maybe it was giving us an invite and secret code to access our bliss and healing through the pain to a different party?
What would that look & feel like? How we individually feel?
How would our society be then?
My guess is Unity and Harmony.
But getting from pain to power is a tricky path to navigate without the treasure map.
Even more challenging, the fear of the discovery one might uncover there, often creates a complex reaction of freeze and flight. This is where avoidance of self and situations can further create more unwanted pain.
The worst part, is how this affirms to the inner child that we are not on team Sally, Bobby Lee, Betty Lou, (insert your name - you are that still present little one).
With this avoidance, we unknowingly, abandon and gaslight ourselves, stacking more pain on top of the existing unhealed trauma.
Definition of gaslighting:
: psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability,
This is just the surface of the meaning, to future understand this concept. Check out the definition here.
CHANGE IS YOUR FRIEND
Change is an inevitable experience all beings will experience along their earthly walk.
Some people have no problem embracing change, while others are absolutely terrified of it.
People with a history of trauma, are especially vulnerable.
So what do we do when when we are unconsciously programmed to fight or freeze or take flight?
Well I’ll give you a hint, a hard one I learned from experience.
Successful handling of pain, it’s not achieved by drowning yourself in a pint of ice cream, bag of candy/chips, a bottle of booze or pills.
Nor is accomplished by being distracted, enmeshed or entangled in the empty shell of an unhealthy intimate relationship, toxic friendship, and most certainly not by remaining the scapegoat for a dysfunctional family. AND IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT SOLVED WITH SUICIDE.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary pain. The act removes you from your pain and transfers that pain and additional pain and confusion on those left behind who cared about you. The invisible negative impact it leaves on the soul and heartbeat of humanity is what I hope to help shift.
Transformation of pain is not about changing the outside world.
Nope .. it’s more like...
Pulling a full on 180 about face to the one staring back at you in the mirror.
The one who feels the pain...with you.
The dance between heart and ego can be beautiful when the melody is fine tuned to an empowering harmony.
Thoughts and emotions are your souls symphony.
It isn’t just your mind, the entire body feels your emotional pain. It puts your soul in state of misalignment and then body becomes riddled with illnesses in a state of DIS-ease.
You are not just a shell of flesh and blood.
Inside resides the spark of creation and an orchestra of the millions of cells who love you and work in harmony to create a melody inside you.
When that melody becomes out of tune, where do you turn?
Just like any instrument, our mind, body, and soul will require us to pay attention to the tune being broadcasted inward if we desire to be in harmonic alignment.
That is accomplished by taking time to go inward in solitude and stillness.
It is being an observer of self, a judge without judgment, curiously embracing feedback from other viewpoints in the experience.
No pressure right!?
If you are saying to your self, “it’s not possible for me”, “that’s too scary to face my emotions”, or “I don’t have time”.
(I understand the fight here, as I was once having the same train of thoughts. This is where in my journey, because I was lacking the level of competency needed to face fears and create a transformational experience, I knew it was time to get in the classroom and learn.
As any student who is learning a new skill, I needed a teacher, so I first went to school and learned the tools.
Next step, I hired a coach and enlisted aid of mentors to guide and immerse me, challenge me through repetition and keep me accountable to gain mastery of my emotions, take empowering actions, and understanding the messages the pain and disease were sending from within my soul.)
What I can say now, on the other side of that, is that it wasn’t hard, more like it was very cathartic and healing.
It was a valuable experience that opened the door to awareness. Without that awareness, and a curious approach, all the tools I needed, as well as courage for empowering actions to be taken, would have continued to elude me.
Without the invitation of pain to go inward, I am certain that I would continue to self destruct and also attract more people to join the party with my disempowered state.
The irony in how my pain saved me from additional pain is a real head zinger!
The true gift in my pain, was the freedom it gave me.
No longer locked in the toxic dance with my mind and body, no longer feeding the disempowered beast, no longer hating my body or wanting to part ways with this world.
After a lifetime of self imposed hell, I finally figured out how to get out the prison.
The ability to quickly identify my ego’s enemy lines and take prompt action to immerse the darkness with divine wisdom and harmony transformed my entire experience.
Transcend the pain means dealing with it.
How that is accomplished?
Going inward NOW! GET MORPHED!
CHOICE IS YOUR SUPERPOWER
Remember the curiosity goggles? Grab them!
Those are your curiosity of choice goggles that will open up possibilities beyond your wildest imagination!
Every now is a CHOICE, an opportunity to MetaMorph with the power of love, using the pain to fuel your transformation.
This is how the WOW OF NOW is your most powerful and empowering truth.
You control your choices. You and you alone.
So therefore, even when we fall prey to the talons trauma, we are never victims, unless we CHOOSE to be.
I will elaborate more in the CHOICE poem here in a second. But first, it’s party time!!
Remember, inside you is a celebration for every second of your existence.
Won’t you come join the party?
Isn’t it time to stop beating the wrong drum and instead learn to play the empowerment harmony?
With my 7 Levers to Balanced BHADASS BLISS Heaven, the notes on my keyboard became second nature and the party tunes are amazing to dance my self-love sway to.
Now I can focus my energy, time, and attention to the mastery of my melody.
Below you will find the poem I wrote to help recall through rhyme, the steps to Transcend, Transformation and get Aligned.
It reminds me that our power lies in our choice, amplified through our heart feels and takes away the victim belief.
Choice is a dynamic and silent voice. It can be an expression of our pain and path to bliss. It can help us find and speak our souls truth.
Sometimes the truth is, we seek chaos because it’s all we’ve known and we can navigate that with mastery. It’s familiar. Unwanted, but also very familiar and comforting in an complex way.
I know that feeling of overwhelming uncertainty and fear.
I know the suffocating panic of making the wrong choice and staying in the familiar hell versus just taking a step into the unknown.
I nearly died under the weight of that choice. The pain of life and how I chose to view it and play the disempowered role in it, was heavy.
I nearly gave up on trying to make changes.
It was too daunting. I was tired of trying and failing. It also seemed like it was going to be yet another instance of me making changes to make peace while the abusers stayed the same, resulting in me feeling like I was getting the short end of the stick.
That right there is the enemy lines of ego prison, aka, victim mode speak. It’s the wrong focus.
Change will happen with our choices.
It’s not about changing, it’s about choosing!
The choices, attitude and beliefs are what makes change scary and painful.
The lever to bliss moves when you combine choice + thoughts + emotions/feelings.
Seek choices over change.
We are always one choice
away from success, or ruin
encouraged by thought and voice,
and our beliefs influence intention of choice whether the energy of sadness or rejoice,
we can’t blame others for
our beliefs creating force,
nor can we return with buyers remorse, the disempowered Trojan Horse
we can only adjust our focus on an empowered course,
One with lessons on mastery of beliefs and choice,
where immersion amplifies your truths voice and where beliefs create experiences of bliss and rejoice.
~Candice J. Frazier
Use this to shift the focus next time you get stuck on trying to change a mindset, embrace the pain of an experience, or making decisions that are going to be life changing choices.
•Love yourself deeply without judgement
•Let go of forcing/fearing change
•Explore: look for more choices
•Forgive yourself and others (grudges are toxic and do not move the lever up to bliss.)
•Move your body to daily to keep your mind and body aligned to access creative flow. Stretch, walk, hike and DANCE!
Making movement fun ensures that you show up and the combined experience will make your body come alive and gets the blood flowing!
Keep it simple!
I use 15 minutes time increments during my workday. It not only gets me back in my body in the gift of NOW without eating into my productivity time, but it also gives me more energy and focus!
Additional ACTION STEPS for success:
•Honor yourself =don’t break your own rules
•Find and choose Joy and Gratitude daily
Remember that to:
BE LOVE, BE NOW= BE WOW
Now that you have shifted, have let go to make space for what is more aligned with your best self, raised your vibrations, and are fully present in the gift of your NOW...you are ready for the next step.
The next step for success to be in the WOW of NOW:
Affirming and anchoring in the new empowered emotion belief and purposeful intention state of mind.
This is one of many positive resets that help the Levers to Balanced BHADASS Bliss move.
Affirm: I follow the guidance of my heart and intuition.
I am confident these tips will open up room for expansion and allow more ease and hope to fill your NOW.
They certainly saved my sanity, renewed my soul and saved my life.
I would love to hear from you and how these help you shift and slip into bliss state faster compared to before you implemented these strategies.
Drop me comment below or reach out through email.
I believe we all should have access to healing and empowerment tools, regardless of ability to pay.
Free information can get you a long way, but having someone help
you integrate and master that information is truly the best investment in your success.
Scholarships available. Sliding scale fees.
WANT MORE INSPIRING & TRANSFORMATION CONTENT:
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Reach out to me and together we will RESET YOUR GROOVE! Write a new story, step out of the pain, let go and love you through your self care as you create full body wellness!
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Who is Coach Candice?
She is a tenacious, passionate, empathetic and creative soul who is on a mission to bring healing to humanity to create a happier, blissful world.
She overcame limiting beliefs, codependency, lifelong traumas and loss, self abuse, addictions, autoimmune illnesses, chronic pain/fibromyalgia and beat anxiety and depression all through daily acts of kindness and radical self love through intentional self care and living fully present in the moment.
*Self Love Alchemy Expert™️
*Certified Master Health/Life & Mindset Transformation Expert
*Life Skills Competency Educator
*Certified Medical Assistant
*Motivational Speaker & Author
Mind Diet, Balanced Bliss, and Kick Sugar Cravings, PTSD & Trauma Recovery Talks/Workshops, 8 Self-Love Gateways, 7 Steps to Now is Formula, 12 Steps to Freedom Addiction & Codependency, Unleash Your Balanced BHADASS BLISS
*Founder of Harmony For Humanity.org Nonprofit & *22HaloProject.org (coming 2022)
*Global Like Skills Ambassador
Global Presence Life Skills Ambassador @ Parenting 2.0 https://www.parenting2pt0.org/the-global-presence/ambassadors/
*Women’s Empowerment Coach
*Founder & Owner of METAMORPHED